Oooooo-kay, this is gonna be rough, and perhaps a bit stupid
Does anyone recall those status updates where I was lament about my girl-ness? Well, I went to a counselor about it, a Mormon counselor, and I worked my emotions n' stuff out about it. At the beginning, I was so super emotional about all this, and now I've let it level out. And, I've come to some conclusions
... guh, being raised by staunch conservatives makes this a bit hard to accept myself as what I've found I am (probably why I was so emotional about it). Don't get me wrong, I don't look back on how I was raised with regrets and anger towards my parents (entirely), but it was a rather closed-minded upbringing.
I am agender, aromantic, and asexual.
There, I said it.
gah... *buries hands in face*
I hate being a girl because of all the societal norms surrounding them, but I don't feel 100% like a guy either. I can't imagine myself with a super-sensitive organ between my legs that I've been so adverse to my whole life. So, I'm neither. I'm not denying the fact that I have a uterus, I'm denying the makeup, the dresses, the shoes, etc. I was, am, and always will be female by sex, but by gender, the EXPRESSION of said sex, I am not a girl.
I feel no romantic attraction towards anyone, and the whole idea and process of baby making is disgusting to me. I'll admit attractiveness, as I'm not blind, but romantic stuff, like holding hands, kissing, whispering sweet nothings...bleh. Nah, I'm not into it. DON'T GET ME STARTED ON THE WOO-HOO IN THE BED. NO. JUS' NO. I feel defiled just thinking about it.
So, I prefer to be called they/them, but then again, I don't mind if anyone calls me she, or even he (but I have a slight preference towards he). Like I won't correct any passing stranger/cashier/waiter/waitress/etc about that crap, because I don't personally see it as a big deal. Just if you know me well enough, please just call me they. It's not that hard. Knee-jerk reactions are fine, just don't make a habit of it.
And if you ask about any surgery, the only surgery I want is to reduce my boobies SIGNIFICANTLY. I'm currently a D/DD; too freaking big. I wanna be an A. SMALL AND HARDLY NOTICEABLE A. I'm not going to remove my uterus, as I will forever be female before God, and he gave me that (freaking painful for a week every month) organ for a holy and divine reason. I will not deny that.
tl;dr my sex is female, but my gender is agender. I don't mind whatever pronouns you give me, but they/them is best. I will forever and always be female before God, but as for expressing myself for who I feel I am, I don't fit in the concepts of either male or female in society.
Now to break this to my parents...